Do you find yourself constantly yelling at your kids? Are you repeating the same reminders over and over, only to see the same misbehaviors pop up again and again? It might feel counterintuitive, but one of the most effective ways to address unwanted behaviors is to simply ignore them.
Yes, ignoring misbehavior can be tough—but with the right approach, it can be a powerful tool for improving your child’s behavior. Read on for tips and strategies to make this method work for you.
Why Ignoring Works
Children often engage in undesirable behaviors to get your attention. Whether it’s whining, tantrums, or other antics, any reaction from you—positive or negative—can reinforce the behavior. By ignoring, you’re teaching your child that these behaviors won’t earn the attention they’re seeking.
How to Ignore Misbehavior Effectively
- Truly Ignore the Behavior
- When ignoring, it’s important to avoid all forms of attention. Don’t talk to your child, don’t scold them, and don’t even make eye contact.
- If necessary, turn away, walk to another part of the room, or occupy yourself with another activity like reading a book or writing something down. The key is to act as if the behavior isn’t happening.
- Ensure Safety While Ignoring
- Safety always comes first. While ignoring, make sure your child is safe. For example:
- If they’re climbing on the couch, guide them gently to the floor without making eye contact or speaking.
- If they keep trying to climb, block their access to the couch by standing in their way—but again, avoid engaging with them.
- The goal is to minimize attention while still protecting them from harm.
- Safety always comes first. While ignoring, make sure your child is safe. For example:
- Expect an Extinction Burst
- When you start ignoring a behavior, it’s normal for it to get worse before it gets better. This is called an extinction burst.
- An extinction burst happens because your child is testing whether the behavior will still get your attention. If you stay consistent and continue ignoring, the behavior will decrease over time.
Pair with Positive Attention
While ignoring unwanted behaviors is effective, it’s equally important to reinforce the behaviors you do want to see. Check out my blogs on attending and reinforcing for tips on how to praise positive actions and create a balanced approach to behavior management.
Learn More About Purposeful Parenting
If you’re ready to dive deeper into strategies like ignoring, attending, and reinforcing, explore our Purposeful Parenting Workshop. These resources provide step-by-step guidance to help you navigate challenging behaviors and create a more peaceful, cooperative home environment.
Final Thoughts
Ignoring misbehavior may feel difficult at first, but with consistency and patience, it can make a world of difference. Remember: the goal is to redirect your child’s attention-seeking efforts toward positive actions that earn your praise and engagement. Stick with it, and you’ll likely see meaningful improvements in your child’s behavior over time.
Start small, stay consistent, and watch the results unfold.
