Skill-Based Treatment (SBT) is transforming the way we approach challenging behaviors in children, emphasizing empathy and communication over traditional extinction methods.
Picture this scenario: You’re hosting a dinner party with your family, including your three young children, along with friends and their families. Everyone’s having a wonderful time—the kids are sitting at the table, following directions, and eating nicely. Then suddenly, your 3-year-old daughter melts down. She refuses to eat what’s served, doesn’t want to stay at the table, and starts crying and screaming. She wants to sit in your lap.
Now, remember, you’re a behavior analyst—you’re supposed to know what to do! You’ve advised countless parents to put challenging behaviors on extinction, meaning you don’t ignore the child, but you do ignore the unwanted behavior. So, you follow the standard protocol: you ignore the crying until it stops, then respond once she follows a direction. Your friends, also behavior analysts, understand this approach and don’t mind the crying child. This is what you do for a living, after all!
So that’s exactly what I did. I ignored my daughter’s crying until she stopped and followed my directions to sit in her chair. Then I reinforced that behavior by letting her sit in my lap while she ate. This is the method I’ve recommended so many times, right? Theoretically, her challenging behavior should decrease over time, and she would learn to ask nicely for things instead of crying. But if this was the right approach, why did I feel so terrible? Why did it haunt me that night, the next day, and even two days later? Why did I feel compelled to apologize to my friends—not for my daughter’s behavior, but for my own?
Rethinking My Approach as a BCBA and Parent
After that dinner party, I realized I hadn’t done the right thing. I thought, “There’s no way I’ve recommended this procedure to my clients. There’s no way I believed this was the best approach.” Then it hit me: While Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) once leaned heavily on extinction-based procedures, the field has evolved to embrace more child-directed and empathetic approaches like Skill-Based Treatment (SBT). In both my personal recommendations and my company’s approach, SBT has become central to our treatment plans and parent support.
We’ve moved away from ignoring behaviors and instead emphasize empathy, recognizing why children behave as they do. We focus on teaching them to communicate their needs and cope with changes to their schedules and activities in a way that respects their emotions.
Applying Skill-Based Treatment (SBT) at Home
So what did I do at home for my daughter?
While I didn’t follow the formal SBT process, I began using its language with my 3-year-old. Now, I say things like, “I understand that this is hard, and it’s okay to be mad.” I give her time to feel angry and offer hugs even when she’s upset over a request. Whether she’s throwing things, acting out toward her sisters, or having a tantrum, I provide her with dedicated time that is exclusively “her way”—where we do exactly what she wants, how she wants, with no questions asked. During this time, I am fully present—no phone, no distractions, no demands.
In return, she’s more willing to do things I ask, even when they’re not her preference, because she knows she’ll get her time to do things her way. This approach has significantly reduced her tantrums, improved our communication, and strengthened our bond. Since making these changes, we haven’t had another meltdown like that dinner party incident. I feel I’m doing better by my daughter and her two younger sisters. I’ve also become a stronger Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA), more confident in recommending SBT, and more committed to incorporating empathy into my practice.
Growth as a Parent and Professional
You might wonder why I’m sharing this personal story. Why expose my doubts about my parenting abilities, clinical recommendations, and skills as a behavior analyst? Because growth is essential. We evolve through experience, training, and time—both as parents and professionals. This story is a reminder that behavior analysts are human too. We face the same parenting challenges as everyone else, and we don’t always get it right. But we can learn, adapt, and improve.
If you’re a parent struggling with challenging behaviors or a professional re-evaluating traditional ABA methods, I encourage you to explore Skill-Based Treatment and empathetic, child-led approaches. By fostering understanding and connection, we can create a better, more supportive environment for our children—both at home and in our professional practice.
Final Thoughts
The field of ABA is shifting toward more compassionate, child-centered approaches. If you’re a parent or a fellow BCBA, I encourage you to reflect on your methods. Ask yourself: Are you prioritizing connection over compliance? Are you balancing structure with emotional support? True behavioral progress happens when children feel heard, understood, and supported.
By embracing empathy over extinction, we can foster positive, lasting changes in both our personal lives and professional practice.
Contact Graham Behavior Services about ABA therapy or our Purposeful Parenting program if you are experiencing challenges with your children.
